Thursday, December 30, 2010

Fasting! :) Almost ate kitkat bar, but I'm way stronger than that! I also ordered a mini elliptical. The same one as Mich. :) More details later.

126.6


I lost! :)
Even though I ate "normally" yesterday! :)
You know what that calls for? Today will be a 200 day. :)
Thanks for the comments and answers you guys. :)
Danae: Good luck with your fast, and I lol'd at the "movie corn popcorn!"
Astrid: That's what I thought. Yeah, I'm starting to agree that all the grossness of purginf really isn't worth it. Oh man, this girl that I've known for like 6 years is in inpatient for bulimia. It's so weird. 
Yes my boyfriend and I did have good bonding time even while watching that irrational film. Haha Owen Wilsons voice is sooo annoying! I was making fun of it the whole time!
Miss Alisha: Thank you! That was really helpful and now I am inspired to think of myself as nonaverage too. I like the idea of cutting servings in half. I mean, I want to lose weight right? :) 
Also, I tthink that I may be abusing the laxies. I take them like everytime I binge. :/ 
Mich: Yep, they do help to console me after those foul binges, as well, but I'm afraid I am abusing them. :/
You're welcome for the heads-up. I heard "The Tourist" was pretty good, Also, it has Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie in it. But I don't think any movie could compare to HP7. Ever since I saw that all the movies were crap to me. haha
Oh yes, Smart Pop!? You see, my bf is concerned about me so he always makes the food. For instance, yesterday He made us 2 dinners: Chicken salad (which was fine with me b/c it was low-ish cal) But then a couple hours later we had egg sandwiches. And don't get me wrong, I adore his cooking, but it makes me fat. haha I just can't refuse it though. :)
And I sneak food my in too! The food they sell is freaking expensive!
Have a good day ladies and gentlemen! :)
p.s. sorry if you guys don't care about all the extra stuff that I wrote in replying to your comments. haha Sometimes I can be a rambler. 
Also, I finished Unbearable Lightness! I liked it a lot. 
Are Portia and Ellen still together? I really hope so!

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Date Night! :)

So I just got home from a movie date with my boyfriend. I had a blast!

:)

Today was really great!

For Breakfast I had an apple (80) and for lunch I had soup at hand (70).

I apprehensively skipped dinner, since I knew I would be going to the movie theater and Q would bring popcorn. When we got there we also bought slushies and twizzlers which I ate because I want to please my lovely.

We saw "How Do You Know." I was looking forward to the thinspiration of Reese Witherspoon, but overall the movie wasn't that great. The storyline seemed like it was just thrown together, but the ending was cute.

Of course I purged as much of the sins as I could when I got home, but I was afraid I didn't get it all, so I also took some laxies. Speaking of laxies, how do they work? Do they actually speed the food right through you without you consuming the calories? Or do you just lose the waterweight?

Well I hope I don't consume any nasties tomorrow, but I will check-in with you guys later. :)

Stay strong!

My 60th Post.

I have 22 followers! That is so thrilling!

I've made a decision:

Today is going to be a good day food-wise. :)

(Hahaha my mom just came in my room to tell me that she's making omelettes with bacon and mushrooms and chesse and crap. haha I was like nooo thanks.)

My weight has been obstinate post-gain at 128.8 in the mornings and 131.8 at night. I am very grateful that I haven't gained more.

Today I will get back on track. No more god damn Christmas cookies, or chocolates, or any of that scat.
I will eat only raw foods today, I believe.

It will be good. :)

Monday, December 27, 2010

Post-Christmas-In the time of Chimpanzees, I was a Monkey.

Alright, guys. I've been putting off posting because I've been a complete pig (as usual).

It's very gross..But I feel like I can't help it, because I can't not eat around Q.
It's Catch 22. :/

I just have to learn to live with myself, though, right?


Well, the holiday season has been lovely in all aspects besides the food.

For Christmas I recieved:
-The Laptop from which I am typing.
-A picture painted by my love with a poem to go with it. :)
-A dress and a scarf also from my darling
-leg warmers and a thesauras from mom ( I asked specifically for each of them :)
-a pair of pjs from my brother and sister-in-law
-knee-high socks from my sister and brother-in-law
-and a purse, floral tights, and a rhinocerous toy from my bff, L.

:)

Also, I'm going to AZ to visit my Bro and Sis-In-Law (The same ones who got me pjs) on Jan. 12, so I will be missing winter formal. :/ But in an attempt to express my apologies and love to Q, I threw us a special version of winter formal today. :) It was so cute! I decorated the house with snowflakes, streamers, and garland, and turned up the music loud and we danced. :)

Speaking of that here's a picture of my dress:



That's not me, though. haha

Alright guys, let's answer some questions:

What's your favorite color? Purple, for me.
Top Three Music Artists atm: Hmm...Mumford and Sons, Norah Jones, and...um...The Kings of Leon.
Least favorite music artist:probably lady antebellum. :/
Favorite thinspo picture atm (post a link):




Stay strong!

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Merry Christmas, Bloggers!

I hope your holidays are swell and all is well!

The New Year is coming, so don't fret if those gingerbread men have gotten the best of you. We have new motivation coming soon. :)

I'm feeling rather euphoric. Yesterday was a good day, non-food wise. It was bad food-wise and I have a feeling today will be bad too. But I cleaned the whole house and opened a few gifts and it was nice.

I'm so looking forward to this Christmas Break!

:)

Stay strong, think thin, be happy.

-Sara

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Querer es Poder.

Today, after my boyfriend left, I went into the kitchen ready to start my evening binge. I was looking through the cupboards and the pantry and I decided on crackers and cream cheese. I picked up the crackers but as I opened the fridge door, I told myself something. I said,"You have the power to not do this."

And I do!

I will make good use of it.

I bought a dress today. Quanah was in the fitting room with meas I was trying it on and it was almost too small. Difficult to zip, but we got it. This gives me a new goal! I want it to be loose by the formal dance, January15. I want to have to tie it extra tight so it doesn't fall down. :) I'll post pictures later..

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

"You're going to catch a cold from the ice inside your soul."

I hate winter. I want a treadmill.

I hope you guys are doing great! Christmas is so soon!

I'm sick and weak and I hate it, but I only have one more day of school left! Yay, for the increased opportunity of skipping meals!

I'm sorry, I'm a failure. Today definitely wasn't <500 calories. I'll start tomorrow.
You see, I have a bad habit of just saying "fuck it!" and eating that fucking piece of chocolate or bite of shit pizza. And it all goes downhill from there. Why?

Because I'm fat and disgusting and weak.
This has been a really awful week for me food-wise hasn't it?

I truly hope you guys don't think I'm always like this.
It's just that winter has set in and my seasonal depression is setting up camp with it.Yuck.
Tomorrow= a new start! (and I know I've said that far too many times)

Oh, God that is wretched.

I am so sorry. To myself mostly.

I need to look at some thinspo...I know! I'll make a new thinspo journal! That'll cheer me up. :)
And I'll play my guitar and sing Christmas songs... :)


Jacqueline- Thanks! You must have good taste in music.haha Did you know that I'm planning on naming one of my future kids Jacqueline?

Alright, guys, I'm making a list of reasons to be thin! And ideas?

Monday, December 20, 2010

500 calories- clementine(30), sf jello(10), oatmeal(120), popcorn(50), clementine(30), soup(60), fruit(50), candy canes(50)....+cookies (purged/laxies)

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Just for tonight...

Oh you guys, you must understand..

I want this soooo BAD!

But (there are always buts) I am not keeping the right mindset..

I went to church this morning, but don't get me wrong. I am not a religious person, I went to sacrifice my time with my boyfriend. I wouldn't want him to suffer through that alone.His family is Mormon..(.I truly don't mean to offend any of you..I'm just stating my opinion.)

Well anyway I just had to pick a Sunday to go that WASN'T a fasting day for the church (Every first Sunday of the month they have a fast Sunday)...Ugh. There was lots of candy and Christmas cookies.

But of course I told myself not to worry..Today will just be a "normal" consumption day. I'll try to be sane like everyone else..Does that ever work? Oh and tofit this into my plan, as t not make it seem like a binge day, I told myself that from now on every Sunday will be a "normal" eating day.  haha normal my ass!
But seriously, this HAS to STOP!

I am so sorry...I am not an inspiration at all.

I need a plan..
I've got it!

ABC!

Alright I make a page for the limits of each day,just in case you guys wanna join. :)

Skinny body, here I come. :)

Love,
S

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Renewal.

I need rejuvenation.

This past week has been way too sloppy. So today I cleaned my room, did some yoga, and restricted acceptably. I find that I am way too envious of other people, and I need more confidence. I believe this yet-to-find thinness will bring me closer to that radiant, confident, love-by-everyone person I've always wanted to become.

Do you guys have any people you know, that you are especially jealous of?

For me it''s this girl who I met at Q's church. She's outgoing, friendly, pretty, and popular. The perfect barbie. The worst part is that Q's family is in love with her family. The second worst part is that her name is Sara, as well, and she's my age. I can't help but wonder what Q thinks of her...although he insists I not feel threatened.
I guess when I'm thin I'll have a leg up on her. (She's average.)

:)

Weight:128
Intake:
-Green Tea
-Diet Sierra mist
-Clementine(30)
-Cherry tomatoes(50)
-Monster Java Vanilla Light (100)
-Frozen Fruit(70)

=250

Stay strong! Christmas is coming!

P.S.
Thanks Miss Alisha and All.That.Wander

Think thin, lovelies!

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Drink up baby Look at the stars I'll kiss you again Between the bars

-Orange juice, orange juice, orange juice (I'm sick)
-Raspberries
-Strawberries
-Sweet potatoes
-Oatmeal

: /

Here's some Winter/Christmas thinspo for you ladies!















Miss Alisha: I know! They are so good!!
Claudia: Yes, we just HAVE to stop binging!

:)

Stay strong!

Christmas Countdown 2010 - Find out how many days until Christmas 2010

Christmas Countdown 2010 - Find out how many days until Christmas 2010

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

"The neighbors said she moved away Funny how it rained all day I didn't think much of it then But it's starting to all make sense.."

Today was so gross,just like yesterday! You'd think I'd get smart! (funny movie, by the way)

I HATE the feeling after a binge. I HATE feeling bloated and stuffed and nasty! Yuck!

Thank you campaign for thin for the water advice. :)

You see this should really help me because the guilt and regret doesn't hit me until after I'm bursting at the seams of my belly, I just need to stop and think about what I'm doing, then chug water.

I weighed myself....129.
fuck.

That was with clothes and crap but still. Ew.



Don't worry don't worry...This isn't another self-loathing post. :)
On a brighter note, I'm devising a plan. I figure that most of my binge foods are dairy and meat and other grossies, so I'm descending gradually into veganism.

I haven't done thorough research, but it seems like a good idea. I don't need those nasty toxins in my body, and those animals don't need to be treated so cruelly.  (Did I mention I love animals?) I've never really liked red meat or cheese anyway, my weakness might be the yogurt and milk. But it's all good.

So tomorrow will be a trial day. :)

Any info or tips on being a vegan? Opinions?

Feast with your eyes, lovelies:






Monday, December 13, 2010

DIS-GUST-ING!

Today was perfect until about dinner time...

I was dissecting a turkey and provolone sandwich, so I felt really gross even just eating a little. So, of course, I purged it. My boyfriend, being his loving self( me being stupid and ungrateful) got mad at me. As pervasive as I am, I let that stupid half-a-sandwich or whatever ruin my whole freaking night!

After this little episode, we went to the grocery store and then when I was waiting for the cab home I ate one whole fucking roll-thing calorie/sugar infested, and then like 4 handfuls of fecking gummy bears (I happened to by a HUGE bag in my depression).

As if all of this isn't awful enough, my boyfriend left me with the rightful words, "Don't do anything you wouldn't want me to do.." So, I didn't. (Well except for writing this, I guess, but I see it as self-help not self-destruction.)
At home I ate like 3 quarters of a subway sandwich, and lots of chocolate. I can't purge. My boyfriend is going t start if I keep going. I love him too much. He can also tell when I'm lying by my"lying face." haha

I did take some laxatives, but I don't know if they will cure me. :/

I feel horrible.

This morning I weighed in at 122. :)

Now I'm 126. :(

Ew. Nasty.

I'm sorry for the self-disgustion.

I hope you guys are staying stronger than I am!

Can you tell me how you guys fight off binges and/or stop in the middle of them?

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Today's weight: 123.0

Intake:
Breakfast: 1 cup frozen blueberries (70), 1 piece light toast w/ I Can't Believe it's Not Butter spray(45), women's vitamin pack (15), (which includes cranberry, fish oil, vitamin D3, calcium, and a multivitamin) =130

Oh god, I might throw up from the iron...Stupid anemia.

Lunch: half a grapefruit (50), yogurt (70), apple (50)(purged :/)

I will probably have low sugar oatmeal for dinner (110)
Or light soup (70ish)
Today's limit will be 400 I think

Saturday, December 11, 2010

"It was the height I grew, the weight, The shell was crushing you, I've been around a few."

At the moment, I am babysitting. :/ They have pizza,cookies, dr. Pepper, oranges, and chips. Guess what I'm indulging in!

Diet Sierra Mist. :)


Today's total intake:
-Cran-Energy juice (50)
-sugarfree jello (10)
-Half of an Activia light yogurt(35)
-Half of a smallish apple (35)
-tea, water, diet soda

Total: 130

Output:
-running on the stairs (-10)
-120 crunches (-120)
(is it true that you burn one calorie per crunch,or has my wishful thinking gotten out of hand?)

Net total: 0! (I think)






-S.

"Pastel white features, high cheekbones, scarlet blooded lips and deathly tones."







Yes,I'm slipping back into my old habits.
My current weight is 124.8...:/

Today I've taken 2 apple cider vinegar tablets, vitamin B12 (for metabolism), and 50 calories of cran-energy juice. If I have to eat something today it'll be an apple or a yogurt.

I can't wait to be delicate and gorgeous! :)

You guys should read Portia de Rossi's "Unbearable Lightness."

:)

Think thin!

Love,
S