A tragedy has recently happened in my area, about 2 weeks ago a 17 year-old kid overdosed on some new synthetic drugs. His death has really affected me, even though I didn't know him. It's difficult to explain but I see how much it affects others and then I see that it even has affected strangers, such as myself. If I were to die would it make that much of an impact on the world?

I know all I ever talk about on here is food so I probably seem rather 2-dimensional, but that's because I don't like to take the time to release what I've been bottling up for so long. And I especially don't feel comfortable with the possibility of someone I know seeing this.

I should start a diary again.

"White lips, pale face ,breathing in snowflakes..burnt lungs, sour taste.."

Today:
-special k bar = 90
-smart pop =100
-watermelon =100
-protein bar =190
-yogurt and berries =120
-oatmeal = 150
-tortilla with pb= 100
-chicken nuggets=250

=1,100

ran 3 miles.
i feel fucking horrible today.
i just want to disappear.
no one gives a fuck.

"Your skin, yeah your skin and bones, turn into something beautiful.."

Intake:
-special k bar= 90
-37 g of frosted mini wheats = 130
-chunk of a heath bar = ~80
-nectarine = 70
-sobe = 10
-watermelon = 40
-130

so far = 550 :)
+subway veggie delight =230
-avocao = 70
-parfait=160
-naked juice=260
-lollipop=60
=1,330

Summer.

I know I said I'd start my journey officially on Monday..but today seems more like a legit start for me considering Tuesday I took an overnight trip with my school and ate a bunch of junkfood that day and yesterday.

But today I ran 8 miles without stopping! I'm so proud of myself! That's the most I've run at once in like two years!

And my intake is good so far.:

-3 tablespoons dietary snack mix (seeds and nuts) =140 calories, 5 grams of protein
-Sweet and Hot single serving Beef jerky = 120 calories, 21 grams of protein
-Special K bar= 90 calories

so far that's 350 calories consumed and ~900 calories burned!

:)
It's going to be a productive summer!

added:
-mocha light = 130
- soup = 60
-bite of oatmeal = 10

total=  :550

Determination.

Tomorrow, I am officially starting my quest to beauty and happiness.

Here are my goals by the end of the summer:
-Lose 20 pounds.
-Get my tongue (hopefully venom bites) and cartilage pierced. (And maybe a double tragus or triple forward helix)
-Clear my skin. I went to a dermatologist the other day and my prescriptions will come in tomorrow.

No more slacking. No more procrastinating.

Wish me luck.
xox

First of all, thank you guys for your comments and support. I  really appreciate it.

Second of all, I'm allowing myself this weekend to still be a fatty and then I'm going to start my new diet and exercise regime. I don't have it completely planned out, but I think I'm going to cutout meat and dairy. We'll see.

xx

Oh shit..

My friend just announced that she's trying to lose 20 pounds. I know I should be happy that she's trying to be healthy, but I can't help but fear the competition. Her mom is even paying for her personal trainer. This means I have to kick my weightloss into drive. No more excuses. No more exceptions. No more being fat.

I just told my mom that I was going to go slit my writs or jump off a bridge so she could be happy and she replied "No, because then I wouldn't have anyone to hand out money to!"

Fuck her. I only ask for money when I need it for necessities. I'm 16. I have a job for everything else. I'm fucking responsible. Fuck her.

I am so embarrassed of the nearly 15 pound weight gain that took place this past year. I once swore that I would never get to 140 and there I was at 148.6 :(

Oh well, I'm determined to get own to 125 by the end of the summer.
This morning I  was 140, so that's a loss from yesterday. :)

I made myself an eggwhite omelette with veggies and a side of watermelon for breakfast. It was probably around 200 calories total.
6 eggwhite= 90
Veggies= 10
Watermelon= 100

I haven't binged or purged lately and I am so proud of myself for it. Let's keep this up!

Hello, lovelies!

Here's my intake for the day:
-Watermelon (140)
-Greek yogurt (160)
-orange (80)

141.4!
I was a little worried because yesterday I consumed nearly 1,400 calories!(Which I was too embarrassed to post but I'll write down now anyways just for the record)
Yesterday's intake:
-pretzels (120)
-mocha light frappucino (starbucks) (130)
-cherries (100)
-kombuchi (60)
-slim jim (200)
-2 pizzahut breadsticks (300)
-2 pizza hut cinnamon sticks (90)
-a cup of icecream (360)

:/ as you can see my eating got worse as the day went on and I got all of my calories from unhealthy foods. I think I ate them, but in "normal" proportions because I was trying to avoid a binge and purge session. I'm so glad I haven't done that this time around but I think next time I get cravings I'll eat something less fattening.

I'm losing. (in a good way) :)

new rules.

"Tips for a flat stomach:

1. Do Cardios or Ab workouts everyday.

2. Do not go to sleep in the next 3 or 4 hours after meal.

3. Drink water before and after your meal to reduce the food amount.

4. Avoid sugary stuff, since they absorb water adding weight and hence the bloat.

5. Size your meals according to the size of your fist, and divide distribute eating to hourly basis instead of 3 whole meals.

6. Wear tight clothing.

7. An all liquid diet, for a crash flat belly course!"

-YouTube video

I want abs. 

-4.

Holy shit, guys...I lost 4 pounds overnight! 

142.8! Still ridiculous, but better. I'm sure it was all water weight, but that's better than nothing.

Oh lordy..

I'm "dieting" again. I swear this won't turn ugly. I just want to be beautiful.  ♥   

My goal is to lose 20-30 pounds by the start of my junior year. That's in 3 months almost to the date. That's not so bad. :) I just need to keep on track. I am so embarrassed of my weight...I cannot believe I've gained so much! but nevertheless I'm going to share it...

*Evil organ music chimes in* : 146.8.

I just want to be skinny again. It suits me much better than my present chubby self.

Today I consumed 505 calories:
-Yogurt (100)
-Apple (70)
-2 hard candies (30)
-Light soup (70)
-Freeze pop (30)
-Another yogurt (100) (I know it was unnecessary :/)\
-Cup of cheerios (100)
-gum (5)

And I did 250 crunches. We'll see what my weight is in the morning. :)

Tomorrow I'm aiming to eat more wholesome foods and a greater variety of fruits and veggies and maybe a little bit of peanut butter.

Wish me luck! xo