My youth has been wasted on worry.
I've lived in poverty my whole life. I've suffered circumstances that my peers have not. I'm sick of it, but it's just a vicious cycle that I don't see how I can get out of. I'm battling problems within myself that perhaps have stemmed from these cruel circumstances that are now shriveling my hope for ever getting out of poverty's grasp. Day to day life is extremely difficult where I live with no money, no car, and no family. My mom became legally blind which not only impairs our living situation but also impairs her self-esteem, which could be the reason that she's no longer a support system for me. I'm alone...so that is why I need to stay determined. I can't let this depression swallow me.I will not let this depression swallow me. It is time to move forward..It is time to break free.
“If you can't fly then run, if you can't run then walk, if you can't walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.” ― Martin Luther King Jr.
Monday, October 29, 2012
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Bella Donna.
"Lonesome like you were when you were sixteen.
When maybe even I weren't listening.
Did I help when I was kissing you?"
-The Avett Brothers, whom I so fortunately saw play this live
I was planning on walking to the library to study, but I won't because it is raining. It's a rather dismal day.
I sometimes wonder if anyone will ever fall in love with me again..wouldn't that be nice? It would help with my loneliness at least...But I wouldn't want to hurt another person again.
Oh well, it's very unlikely anyone will even come close anyway.
On another note, I just came home from a rock climbing trip in Taylor's Falls, MN. It was pretty fantastic. I love living outdoors where all you have to worry about is surviving. It's so much easier to appreciate the beauty pf nature when you're not worried about studies or appearances or any other bullshit. I've always loved climbing and found it pretty exhausting, not only physically but emotionally since it involves a lot of trust in the equipment and your partners.
x
When maybe even I weren't listening.
Did I help when I was kissing you?"
-The Avett Brothers, whom I so fortunately saw play this live
I was planning on walking to the library to study, but I won't because it is raining. It's a rather dismal day.
I sometimes wonder if anyone will ever fall in love with me again..wouldn't that be nice? It would help with my loneliness at least...But I wouldn't want to hurt another person again.
Oh well, it's very unlikely anyone will even come close anyway.
On another note, I just came home from a rock climbing trip in Taylor's Falls, MN. It was pretty fantastic. I love living outdoors where all you have to worry about is surviving. It's so much easier to appreciate the beauty pf nature when you're not worried about studies or appearances or any other bullshit. I've always loved climbing and found it pretty exhausting, not only physically but emotionally since it involves a lot of trust in the equipment and your partners.
x
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Yayyy!
Hello there no one,
If you are someone and you have stumbled across this post then feel free to read and comment but know that I am speaking to no one.
Tomorrow I am starting a 48 hour water fast. I need the cleansing. My body is a wreck, along with my mind.
I hope it will do me some good. I'm rather excited.
I've been pondering the thought of suicide an awful lot lately. In fact, it never truly leaves my mind...I am just so sick of feeling so worthless. Honestly, I don't think I have any potential for a good future, and I have a feeling that those around me are giving up as well. I'm wondering if I should give myself an ultimatum or if I should keep trudging through this murky life of mine. I just want to become beautiful and happy and lively and successful. I have to prove to myself and everyone else that I am worth something.
Only time will tell, I suppose.
Oh, and if a someone does stumble upon this, here's a picture of me and my best friend Thomas. He's probably the only creature that genuinely loves me.. haha
If you are someone and you have stumbled across this post then feel free to read and comment but know that I am speaking to no one.
Tomorrow I am starting a 48 hour water fast. I need the cleansing. My body is a wreck, along with my mind.
I hope it will do me some good. I'm rather excited.
I've been pondering the thought of suicide an awful lot lately. In fact, it never truly leaves my mind...I am just so sick of feeling so worthless. Honestly, I don't think I have any potential for a good future, and I have a feeling that those around me are giving up as well. I'm wondering if I should give myself an ultimatum or if I should keep trudging through this murky life of mine. I just want to become beautiful and happy and lively and successful. I have to prove to myself and everyone else that I am worth something.
Only time will tell, I suppose.
Oh, and if a someone does stumble upon this, here's a picture of me and my best friend Thomas. He's probably the only creature that genuinely loves me.. haha
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