No one.

I'm alone.

I deserve it.

I've pushed everyone away. I'm not sure how, but I've done it. It used to be that I always had someone to run to, someone I could depend on for company. But now I'm alone. It seems everybody I once had, has somebody else that they rely on more. There's no need for me. I am unwanted. I am forgotten.

My boyfriend, whom I'm not even sure if I can call him that anymore, is getting fed up with my "drama." We don't see each other very often because I'm no fun to be around.  He's moving soon and I'm sure he will forget me completely, if he hasn't already. He's excited to move on with his life.

My best friend since childhood, L,  was submitted to inpatient treatment on Wednesday for self-injury and I found out yesterday through a message on facebook from her Mom. L was supposed to call me today but she hasn't. I guess I shouldn't feel hurt that she hasn't contacted me because I've sort of been a bitch to her since I've been wrapped up in my own problems. I guess for some strange fucking reason, I was stupid and selfish  enough to think that my problems were more serious...or at least I gave off that vibe, which made her not want to talk to me. Fuck, I regret so many things.

These people in my life that I thought I had a special connection with are replacing me. My boyfriend spends more time with his family than with me. And he's so focused on leaving. L has acquired a new best friend, whom she not only talked to more about these things, but who has already visited her in treatment. Even my own mother has replaced me....well not so much replaced me but I focused on the well being of my 30 year old sister over my well being. My sister is pregnant. I hate living here. I want to move. Mother refuses because she doesn't want to leave sister.

Typing all of this out makes me hate myself even more since I sound like such a selfish bitch.

My point is I have no one. On top of that I've been skipping school, and have no motivation to go anywhere in life Could I even o anywhere if I tried? I've lost everyone...because I'm an inconsiderate, fat, self-absorbed sob? Or because I just don't matter? Perhaps both.

But, in a way, this is a good thing. This means that no one will miss me too much. My options are narrowing.

Will this be the end for me?