"They say it fades if you let it.."

Sorry I haven't posted anything in a while. I've been keeping myself motivated with texting buddies. :)
I've got some bad news. My boyfriend found out and I promised him I would get better. I mean, I love him and I want to give him what he deserves (which in my opinion is a thinner, more beautiful me).  I don't want to hurt him, but at the same time I don't want to get better. :/

I AM...

[possibly] anorexic

[] ednos

[possibly] bulimic

[ ] living off diet pills

[ ] hungry

[x] thirsty

[ ] drinking something

[ ] Under 100lbs

[] starving yourself

[ ] participating in a fast

PEOPLE...

[ ] ask if I’m anorexic/bulimic

[x] call me fat

[x] say I’m skinny

[x] say I’m ugly

[x] say I’m pretty

[ ] spread rumors about me

[ ] force me to eat

[ ] say I eat too much

[x] wish I’d eat more

[x] don't know I'm anorexic/bulimic/ednos

I WISH...

[x] I was THIN

[x] I had a better body

[x] I didn't have to eat

[x] I could control myself

[x] I was under 110lbs

[x] I could avoid food

[x] I could hide what I am

[x] I wasn’t fat

[x] I was pretty

[ ] I could stop being ana/mia

I LOVE...

[x] feeling hungry

[x] seeing a difference when fasting

[x] shaking

[x] being weak

[x] losing weight

[ ] being anorexic

[x] green tea

[ ] diet pills

[x] being able to turn down food

[x] feeling good about myself

APPEARANCE...

[ ] I am shorter than 5'4. I am 5"4.

[x] I think I'm ugly sometimes

[x] I have many scars

[x] I tan easily

[ ] I wish my hair was a different color

[] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color

[] I have a tattoo

[x] I am self-conscious about my appearance

[ ] I had braces

[x] I wear glasses

[ ] I wear contacts

[] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100 safe, free of cost, and scar-free

[ ] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger

[ ] I have more than 2 piercings

[ ] I have piercings in places besides my ears

[ ] I have freckles

FAMILY...

[x] I've sworn at my parents

[] I've run away from home

[ ] I've been kicked out of the house

[] My biological parents are together

[ ] I have a sibling less than one year old

[x] I want to have kids someday

[ ] I've had children

[ ] I've lost a child

EMBARRASSMENT...,

[x] I've slipped out a "lol" in a spoken conversation

[x] Disney movies still make me cry

[x] I've peed from laughing

[x] I've snorted while laughing

[x] I've laughed so hard I've cried

[] I've glued my hand to something

[x] I've laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose

[] I've had my trousers rip in public

RELATIONSHIPS...

[] I'm single

[x] I'm in a relationship

[ ] I'm engaged

[ ] I'm married

[ ] I've gone on a blind date

[ ] I've been the dumpee more than the dumper

[x] I miss someone right now

[x] I have a fear of abandonment

[ ] I've cheated in a relationship

[ ] I've gotten divorced

[] I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back

[x] I've told someone I loved them when I didn't

[] I've told someone I didn't love them when I did

[ ] I've kept something from a past relationship

SEXUALITY...

[] I've had a crush on someone of the same sex

[] I've had a crush on a teacher

[x] I am a cuddler

[x] I've been kissed in the rain

[x] I've hugged a stranger

[ ] I have kissed a stranger

HONESTY...

[x] I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't

[x] I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't

[]I've snuck out of my house

[] I have lied to my parents about where I am

[] I am keeping a secret from the world

[] I've cheated while playing a game

[] I've cheated on a test

[ ] I've been suspended from school

BAD TIMES...

[] I've consumed alcohol

[] I drink regularly

[ ] I can't swallow pills

[] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem

[x] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression

[x] I shut others out when I'm upset

[x] I take anti-depressants

[possibly] I'm anorexic or bulimic or have EDNOS.

[x] I've slept an entire day when I didn't need it

[x] I've hurt myself on purpose

[x] I'm addicted/ have been addicted to self harm

[x] I've woken up crying

[] I've lost weight

[x] I've gained weight

[x] My weight holds me back

[x] Weight consumes me.

[ ] I'm at my thinnest

[ ] I'm at my biggest

[] I've lost weight and kept it off

[x] I've lost weight but gained it back

[x] My weight affects my mood

[x] I weigh myself daily

[x] I am jealous of everyone smaller than me

[x] I thrive on compliments

[x] I feel bigger than people who are my size

[x] I feel happy when I'm hungry

[x] I get depressed after I eat

[x] I've skipped a meal

[x] I've thrown food away

[x] I've spit food out

[x] I've fasted

[ ] I've taken diet pills

[x] I've used laxatives

[x] I've purged

[ ] Bulimia

[ ] Orthorexia

[x] Over-exercising

[x] Binge eating

[x] I exercise

[ ] I exercise so I can eat

[x] I work out secretly

[ ] I work out daily

[x] I exercise to counteract eating

[] I've fainted from exhaustion

I'VE DONE...

[] Weed

[] Cigarettes

[] Alcohol

[] Diet pills

[ ] Pain killers

[x] Anti-depressants

[ ] Ecstasy

[ ] LSD

[ ] Mushrooms

[ ] Speed

[ ] Cocaine

<>OTHER QUESTIONS

[x] I keep my eating habits a secret

[x] I have an ED blog

[x] I look at thinspo

[x] I collect thinspo

[x] I condone pro-ana/mia sites

[x] I count calories

[] I've had negative intake days

[x] I avoid food

[x] I hate food

[x] I love food, it's a love/hate relationship

[x] I want to be this way

[ ] I don't want to be like this

[x] I wish I could have more control

[x] Being thin is my top priority sometimes

[x] I don't want to get better

[ ] I am in treatment

[x] I'm doing this for me

[ ] I'm doing this for someone

[x] I'm doing this to prove myself