Monday, August 30, 2010

"They say it fades if you let it.."

Sorry I haven't posted anything in a while. I've been keeping myself motivated with texting buddies. :)
I've got some bad news. My boyfriend found out and I promised him I would get better. I mean, I love him and I want to give him what he deserves (which in my opinion is a thinner, more beautiful me).  I don't want to hurt him, but at the same time I don't want to get better. :/








I AM...
[possibly] anorexic
[] ednos
[possibly] bulimic
[ ] living off diet pills
[ ] hungry
[x] thirsty
[ ] drinking something
[ ] Under 100lbs
[] starving yourself
[ ] participating in a fast

PEOPLE...
[ ] ask if I’m anorexic/bulimic
[x] call me fat
[x] say I’m skinny
[x] say I’m ugly
[x] say I’m pretty
[ ] spread rumors about me
[ ] force me to eat
[ ] say I eat too much
[x] wish I’d eat more
[x] don't know I'm anorexic/bulimic/ednos

I WISH...
[x] I was THIN
[x] I had a better body
[x] I didn't have to eat
[x] I could control myself
[x] I was under 110lbs
[x] I could avoid food
[x] I could hide what I am
[x] I wasn’t fat
[x] I was pretty
[ ] I could stop being ana/mia

I LOVE...
[x] feeling hungry
[x] seeing a difference when fasting
[x] shaking
[x] being weak
[x] losing weight
[ ] being anorexic
[x] green tea
[ ] diet pills
[x] being able to turn down food
[x] feeling good about myself

APPEARANCE...
[ ] I am shorter than 5'4. I am 5"4.
[x] I think I'm ugly sometimes
[x] I have many scars
[x] I tan easily
[ ] I wish my hair was a different color
[] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color
[] I have a tattoo
[x] I am self-conscious about my appearance
[ ] I had braces
[x] I wear glasses
[ ] I wear contacts
[] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100 safe, free of cost, and scar-free
[ ] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger
[ ] I have more than 2 piercings
[ ] I have piercings in places besides my ears
[ ] I have freckles

FAMILY...
[x] I've sworn at my parents
[] I've run away from home
[ ] I've been kicked out of the house
[] My biological parents are together
[ ] I have a sibling less than one year old
[x] I want to have kids someday
[ ] I've had children
[ ] I've lost a child

EMBARRASSMENT...,
[x] I've slipped out a "lol" in a spoken conversation
[x] Disney movies still make me cry
[x] I've peed from laughing
[x] I've snorted while laughing
[x] I've laughed so hard I've cried
[] I've glued my hand to something
[x] I've laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose
[] I've had my trousers rip in public

RELATIONSHIPS...
[] I'm single
[x] I'm in a relationship
[ ] I'm engaged
[ ] I'm married
[ ] I've gone on a blind date
[ ] I've been the dumpee more than the dumper
[x] I miss someone right now
[x] I have a fear of abandonment
[ ] I've cheated in a relationship
[ ] I've gotten divorced
[] I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
[x] I've told someone I loved them when I didn't
[] I've told someone I didn't love them when I did
[ ] I've kept something from a past relationship

SEXUALITY...
[] I've had a crush on someone of the same sex
[] I've had a crush on a teacher
[x] I am a cuddler
[x] I've been kissed in the rain
[x] I've hugged a stranger
[ ] I have kissed a stranger

HONESTY...
[x] I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't
[x] I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't
[]I've snuck out of my house
[] I have lied to my parents about where I am
[] I am keeping a secret from the world
[] I've cheated while playing a game
[] I've cheated on a test
[ ] I've been suspended from school

BAD TIMES...
[] I've consumed alcohol
[] I drink regularly
[ ] I can't swallow pills
[] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem
[x] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression
[x] I shut others out when I'm upset
[x] I take anti-depressants
[possibly] I'm anorexic or bulimic or have EDNOS.
[x] I've slept an entire day when I didn't need it
[x] I've hurt myself on purpose
[x] I'm addicted/ have been addicted to self harm
[x] I've woken up crying
[] I've lost weight
[x] I've gained weight
[x] My weight holds me back
[x] Weight consumes me.
[ ] I'm at my thinnest
[ ] I'm at my biggest
[] I've lost weight and kept it off
[x] I've lost weight but gained it back
[x] My weight affects my mood
[x] I weigh myself daily
[x] I am jealous of everyone smaller than me
[x] I thrive on compliments
[x] I feel bigger than people who are my size
[x] I feel happy when I'm hungry
[x] I get depressed after I eat
[x] I've skipped a meal
[x] I've thrown food away
[x] I've spit food out
[x] I've fasted
[ ] I've taken diet pills
[x] I've used laxatives
[x] I've purged
[ ] Bulimia
[ ] Orthorexia
[x] Over-exercising
[x] Binge eating
[x] I exercise
[ ] I exercise so I can eat
[x] I work out secretly
[ ] I work out daily
[x] I exercise to counteract eating
[] I've fainted from exhaustion

I'VE DONE...
[] Weed
[] Cigarettes
[] Alcohol
[] Diet pills
[ ] Pain killers
[x] Anti-depressants
[ ] Ecstasy
[ ] LSD
[ ] Mushrooms
[ ] Speed
[ ] Cocaine

<>OTHER QUESTIONS
[x] I keep my eating habits a secret
[x] I have an ED blog
[x] I look at thinspo
[x] I collect thinspo
[x] I condone pro-ana/mia sites
[x] I count calories
[] I've had negative intake days
[x] I avoid food
[x] I hate food
[x] I love food, it's a love/hate relationship
[x] I want to be this way
[ ] I don't want to be like this
[x] I wish I could have more control
[x] Being thin is my top priority sometimes
[x] I don't want to get better
[ ] I am in treatment
[x] I'm doing this for me
[ ] I'm doing this for someone
[x] I'm doing this to prove myself

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