My Dear Quanah,

I know you are stressed out right now, and all I want do is help. I hope that you approve and maybe even admire this blog. It would kill me to let you down again. I'm just trying to help.

This writing is of a healthy manner, right?

Earlier tonight, on the phone, you promised me you wouldn't hurt yourself when we hung up. I hope you kept that promise. I hope those weren't just words to you. I understand that I have disappointed you in the past, and I apologize, but please don't use that as an excuse to let yourself down. I love you with all of my being.

You are my world- don't destroy yourself.



Truly yours,
Sara Kay

"When flowers gaze at you, they're not the only ones who cry when they see you."

Oh, have mercy.....

I am a sinner. My love would not approve of me undeleting this blog, but I sincerely wish to make a compromise with him...I would rather keep quiet than to hurt him.

But everything is chaotic and I need to express myself through this writing. I hope he understands.

This morning, upon waking, I turned my head and laid my eyes upon the most gorgeous creature ever.
The Angel breathed softly in sweet slumber as I made my morning routine.His eyes opened and his lips parted in smile as I crawled under the covers with him. I pray that we can wake up with each other from now on. I pray that he becomes stranded at my house more often.

I love you, Q.
I'm not letting the world in, but instead letting myself out, under limitations.
I hope that you do not see this as a means by which I am keeping you out though..You are free to read this. I won't hide it from you. I will even set it as private.
I pray for your patience and understanding.



With sincerity,
S.

200!

It's Day1 of 2468 and I am pretty dang excited!

Thanks for the reassuring comments about my arm. haha You guys are too nice.
:)

My plan for today is probably just to have an orange (70) and a diet soda for lunch, and maybe an apple (130) for dinner. Otherwise, if I have to eat a "real" dinner, I'll just eat tiny amounts.

Water, water, water is my savior!

Stay strong, ladies..


Love,
Sara

2468- New Beginnings!

I just weighed in at 130.2. Yuck! I gained. :(

I've decided to start the 2-4-6-8 diet tomorrow, Monday, November 8 2010. :)
Wish me luck. I'll be going until the following Monday, and maybe longer if I haven't reached 125 by then.
Also, I will exercise for at least 30 minutes everyday while I'm on the diet, and take these Green Tea Diet pills that I bought.


:)

"I take a breath and pull the air in 'til there's nothing left.. I'm feeling green like teenage lovers between the sheets"

You know that whole thing about not blogging anymore?
Well, I've just got too much to say, and writing in a journal just doesn't seem as convenient. hah

I'm making a list of foods that I can never eat again and erasing them from my intake one by one. I'll post it on the sidebar.

I don't want to lose this escape- my eating "habits" I mean. I feel as if they're the only thing that is truly mine. I would say that about my Love but I can't seem to stop him from leaving cuts in his delicate flesh. And guess what! He's already underweight (like super skinny; his BMI is 16) to begin with,but now he's been losing weight and watching his intake too! Not only do I want him to stop this insanity and eat healthily and be well, but somehow I feel possessive about this eating disorder. I feel like it's mine and I don't want him to take it from me. I know that's horrible, but that's how I feel. :/

God, I love him. Whenever I mention how fat, or ugly, or disgusting I am he denies it full-heartedly. Could he really, truly believe that I am beautiful? I'm not even thin, though!!

I want to try a new diet. I need some structure and planning, instead of just waking up and deciding as I go.

Look where that got me:

Do you see my arm???? Ew!! It should be a thigh..hah




My Love looks hot in an old-man-sort-of-way. hahaha

Oh and, Quanah, if you read this, I love you. :)



P.S

My intake:
-Special K cereal w/ 2% milk (200)
-Banana (100)
-Yogurt (100)
-Orange (70)

Total: 470

Also,
Dear helesaurus,

Yeah, I guess I do have a lot to sort out, but I'll manage. :)
Thanks for your concern. :)

I enjoy the fashion employed in this video...

"Hey, open wide, here comes original sin.."

I don't know what to say. My bf found my blog and now he's hurt because he thinks that I'd rather talk to the rest of the world than him. I love him too much to keep blogging regularly for now. I'll still check in every once in a while, but I'll focus more on writing in my journal and communicating with my love. I still want to get thin soooooo badly. :/




Love, Sara..

600

Today's intake:
Breakfast:
-yogurt (100)

Lunch:
-Salad (30)
-Orange (70)

Dinner:
-Blueberries (100)
-Special K cereal (170)
-banana(100)
Drink:
-Crystal Light (30)

Love grows a fear Suites your taste of bitter ends But this stake that holds you in Leaves no place to begin

Today, I skipped breakfast and lunch, but had a hamburger and juice (Yuck, I know) for dinner since I couldn't really avoid it because I was at my boyfriend's house. Also, when I got home I had a lollipop. I'm not exactly sure what my caloric intake was, but I really hope it was below 1,200 (my new maximum limit).

When everything is messy, this is my safe place.